Crying is an embarrassment, and it is worse when it happens in public. As a teenager with the habit of tearing up in difficult situations, I hated challenging myself or facing anything that people would consider abnormal. One of the problems was my English accent, which was a natural result of being an immigrant. Even though it was nothing to be ashamed of, it made me very self-conscious. As a result, my greatest fear became public speaking.
Throughout four years of high school, I attempted to overcome this fear. Joining a Speech-and-Debate team was one of the choices, but the motivation eventually wore away and brought me back to the usual routine, avoiding challenges and ignoring chances of self-improvement. However, last summer, I impulsively chose to attend Mastering Leadership program sponsored by National Student Leadership Conference. Main reason, unfortunately, was because it was a one-week program; I did not expect more than tedious lectures and activities that would somehow make me feel accomplished.
Such assumption proved to be false, for it was far more demanding. Out of all the activities, self-assessment called “FEAR” made me feel uneasy the most. It was a time for attendees to share their fears within assigned groups. Clearly, the first word came into my mind was public speaking. The group advisor asked me to stand in front of the group members to demonstrate that it is really irrational to be afraid of talking in front of a crowd. Even though his idea was logical, I could not stand the pressure and broke into tears.
The experience was horrifying. It was extremely embarrassing to cry in front of people, especially when they were almost strangers. Even the advisor was confused and apologized for pushing me too hard; but I knew it was me who was too weak to bear the challenge. On the last day of the conference, the guest speaker Mr. Martin told us to discuss the changes brought upon us as a result of attending this event. People stood up and talked about themselves, sometimes crying, as well as the fears they have overcame. I was one of them, casually presenting myself to 83 conference attendees.
After the program, I was not fearful of people anymore. I promised myself that I will not forget the challenges that I faced during the leadership camp, and that I will always attempt to stride out of the comfort zone. The program taught me that I could become a powerful leader as long as I remember how to welcome and face obstacles. Today, I still struggle, but I can proudly announce myself as an ambitious, but prudent, risk-taker.
-Chloe
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